As a way of practicing my writing skills and making playing a game look like something productive, I've decided to keep a diary of my aimless wandering and exploits in The Best Role Playing Game of All Time™, Morrowind. Granted, some people will say otherwise but keep in mind that some people can really be stupid.
This isn't the first time I've played Morrowind so somewhat already know my way around it. I can still remember my brother coming home way back in 2003 with the Morrowind CD, neatly packed in shitty plastic like most pirated games. I can even remember them staring at disbelief at how the water looked. Now however, he keeps complaining on how the water looks so much like ass. At the time however, I was to preoccupied playing Vice City and Counter-Strike to give a crap about Morrowind. It was only during the summer of 2008 when I started playing Morrowind. I think I got about to a third of the game's main quest before getting Chickenpox. Seriously. Now though, I'm ready to finish it up to the end. Hopefully I won't get infected by another contagious disease this time.
I've gone to some lengths to modify the game, mostly to prevent it looking like ass. I'll give the list of mods later. For now, let's start the game!
I start off the game inside a ship, with no idea where I'm from or why I'm here. Apparently, I'm a prisoner sent to Morrowind by the Emperor for unknown reasons. Uh-oh, this is another one of those “unsuspecting simpleton becomes the savior of the world” games isn't it. I wake up next to this half-naked elf guy who asks me my name. Wait, we're the only prisoners on this ship and you still don't my name? A text box then appears and I enter my name. I'm Ken, the unsuspecting simpleton becomes the savior of the world.
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| At least this game didn't start in a shower. |
A guard appears. He then walks toward us with his awkward walking animation that looks like he just shit his pants. He tells me to follow him up the deck since this is my stop. Unfortunately, this game suffers from NPCs that walk too slowly and player characters that walk too fast. I repeatedly try to overtake him but the ship is too cramped. Oh well.
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| Is it me or does he have really pronounced crotch armor? |
I finally manage to overtake him, leaving him to eat my dust. Still, he doesn't seem to care. I walk up the stairs and open the hatch.
Freedom! Fresh air! HDR graphics! Textures that don't look like vomit! It's a good thing that I invested in those texture mods or this would have looked a lot worse. As I head down the dock, I see a familiar face. Is that... Morgan Freeman!?
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| "The first night's the toughest, no doubt about it. They march you in naked as the day you were born, skin burning and half blind from that delousing shit they throw on you, and when they put you in that cell... and those bars slam home... that's when you know it's for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it." |
It is him! Looks like he took some time-off from his busy acting schedule to bid our character goodbye. Thanks!
Celebrity cameos aside, I head down the dock. However, a guard blocks my path. Looks like he wants to know who we are. It's character creation time!
I decide to be a member of the Khajiit, a race of cat-like humanoids. I primarily chose them because I'm a huge furry and I like yiffing I liked their bonuses in the areas of stealth and they have this power that demoralizes human opponents. Also, the other races kinda look like shit. After that, I go inside the building behind him; the Seyda Neen Census and Excise office.
Inside, I'm greeted by a bald old guy, probably the manager of this fine establishment. Apparently, I need to give out information about my character so he can record my entry into Seyda Neen. It's character class pickin' time! I have three ways to do that: I answer questions and he picks out my class based on my answers, I choose a class from the preset ones, or I make my own. I didn't pick the first option since I never trusted those tests. Case in point: I somehow got an outdoor career during my school's career test when I'm actually a huge nerd wasting his life in front of the PC, never having real life social interaction, and whose only source of light is the warm glow of a monitor more of an indoors guy. I chose the last option because I wanted more customization of my character.
I wanted a well-balanced character, so I put combat, magic, and stealth skills to make it even. I'm a Poonhunter; a character that can skillfully thrust spears and shoot arrows while using destructive spells to destroy his enemies and restorative spells to heal himself. Oh, I also choose sneak and stealth so I can rob people blind to save money. Like the immoral thief I am, the first thing I did after this was to look for stuff to steal. Sure enough, I found a Limeware platter worth 650 drakes on his shelf.
Unfortunately, I got caught. The guard in the room ran at me amidst screams of “YOU COWARDLY THIEF!!!” and took the platter back. Fortunately, this was still the tutorial so I was let go without a fine. As I was exiting the room I saw “The History of the Empire Volume 3” and “The History of the Empire Volume 4” on a shelf. You'd think that the developers would want you to take the books so you can learn more about Morrowind but noooo. The guard caught me and took the books. Damn.
I went into the next room. This time, the game specifically instructs you to steal a dagger and lockpick on a table for the combat tutorial. This time, no one was in the room so I stole a couple bottles of some drink, a loaf of bread, some gold, and a few plates. Hey, every drake counts, right? After taking everything that's not nailed down, I proceeded to the next room. Before that though, the game instructs me to get a ring inside a barrel. It's an Engraved Ring of Healing! Hooray! I take the ring like the greedy bastard I am and wear it. Into the next room we go!
Lastly, we're greeted by Sellus Gravius, the Imperial emissary in charge of this place. Before we leave, it looks like we have a mission. A mission to deliver a package to a man named Caius Cosades in the town of Balmora. Hopefully, this package won't get us executed by a world superpower in revenge for our sloppy handling of a certain hostage situation. I'll remember to kill Sellus later so I can get his pimpin' armor.
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