The State of Text Play

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Game Review: World of Tanks

There certainly has never been a shortage of WW2 games. For shooters, you've got the classic Battlefield 1942, Call of Duty, Red Orchestra, and other countless WW2 games. For strategy gamers, you've got games like Company of Heroes and Men of War and hardcore simulations like Theatre of War and Cross of Iron. For roleplaying games... well I guess you have Valkyrie Chronicles but that's taking the term "historically accurate" very loosely. For MMORPGs you have Battleground Europe (or WW2 Online) and World of Tanks, the game I'm going to be reviewing today.

World of Tanks is a free-to-play, 3D MMORPG. It's like most MMORPGs, just replace the elements with more tank-centric ones. Your avatar is now a tank, items replaced by "modules", classes replaced by the different tank types, and leveling up replaced by buying better tanks. You can pimp your ride by buying new guns, tracks, engines, radios, and other parts. Combat is PvP, you press the Battle button and the game finds you a battle. Thankfully, the game pairs you up against tanks that aren't way too above your level, so you won't get steamrolled.

The load screen.

Right now, there's three nations: USA, Russia, and Germany. (the French and British are coming soon) All have different tanks, so there's no recycling of content. There's also five tank classes: light, medium, heavy, self-propelled gun, and tank destroyer. Each have their own roster of tanks and playstyle, so there's definitely a lot of variety. You start off with a shitty old interwar tank, but by playing you can earn enough credits to and experience to buy a better tank. You get credits and XP by playing. Winning a battle gets you more credits and XP than losing (obviously) but the number of tanks you kill, damage, and spot also plays a factor in how much pay you get. The actual gameplay is simple. WSAD to move, mouse to aim and shoot, shift to zoom. That's pretty much it.

Me waiting for the battle to start. (Click to enlarge)

Gameplay is mainly team-focused. Each player must do their part and support each other to help their team win the game. Light tanks scout, medium tanks flank, heavy tanks charge, SPGs support, and tank destroyers ambush. Each tank class has a different playstyle, so you won't charge with a light tank or flank with a tank destroyer (but you can do that if you so desire). As a tank destroyer player, I mainly hide behind bushes, waiting for an enemy to pass before I blast them with my gun. It's sometimes boring, but it's awesome when you catch someone unaware and shoot them without them ever knowing your position.

My Marder II sitting in my garage.

While the damage system certainly isn't certainly at Battleground Europe levels, there is an element of realism. Each gun has its own penetration values so you won't see a 20mm penetrating a Tiger's armor. Each tank also has its own armor value so light tanks are squishy but agile targets while heavy tanks are durable but slow. Sometimes, a shot will also damage a part of the tank or disable a crew member. Broken tracks means slower tank, damaged ammo rack means slower loading times (it also has a small chance of exploding when hit), damaged engine means slower acceleration, and so on and so forth. A KO'd driver means slower tank, KO'd gunner means less accuracy, blah blah blah you get the point.

Graphics-wise, the game looks good. Of course it's not at a Crysis level but it looks good. Tank models are very detailed so the tankheads out there won't be disappointed. The game also performs very well. Even with 230ms ping there's almost no lag and the game is smooth. There's the occassional discnnect, but I can reconnect quickly. The music is good the first time you hear it, but it definitely becomes repetitive. I recommend muting the in-game music and playing your own songs in the background. I recommend Dragonforce, Pantera, or any other fast-paced metal music. I'm running the original Red Alert's soundtrack and KMFDM as I play.

The game doesn't feel too grindy, as you can usually buy a new part every 5 games or so. However, it does feel a bit tedious as you play game after game to get enough cash to buy the better tank. On the free to play thing, the game is free to play but there's a microtransaction system involved. You can exchange real money for "Gold" which can be used to buy premium tanks and parts or be converted into credits. A piece of gold is equal to about 400 credits if I can recall correctly. Paying real money will help you get better stuff faster, but it's not imbalancing the game. It's still a blast to play even if you're not paying.

All in all, World of Tanks is a fun and free MMORPG that's a blast to play. Whether you like to charge the enemy head-on or stay in the back supporting them, WoT has a tank for you. Since it's free, you have nothing to lose by trying it. Maybe except bandwidth and time. Seriously, this game will suck you in.

Pros:

• Free
• Fun gameplay
• Large amount of tanks
• Varied gameplay due to the different tank classes
• Tanks! Who doesn't love them?
• Good performance
• Friendly and helpful community

Cons

• Can feel tedious at times
• Can take up way too much of your time

All in all, a solid 5 out of 5!

You can learn more about the game here: http://www.worldoftanks.com/

Morrowind Part 6: Beautiful Balmora

Part 6:

WARNING: This Text Play Is not safe for work for reasons that will become obvious later on.

There it is, Balmora. Balmora is the largest town in Vvanderfell with the exception of Vivec. Or so they say. Balmora is where most new players go to after Seyda Neen and it's full of things to do. And things to rob. Without further ado, let's powerslide down the mountain and get to work.

After taking minimal damage, I head past the walls and arches and into the town itself.

Balmora is beautiful, with its simple stone architecture and cooblestone streets. It's especially beautiful at night, where the lighting effects come into play. The warm glow of the torches and the glowing windows really go a long way in the immersion. That is, if you installed the Morrowind Graphics Extender, texture mods, and lighting mods. If you didn't, the town simply looks like unholy ass.

Anyway, I get down to business and ask the townsfolk where the hell is Caius Cosades. They have no idea and they direct me instead to the South Wall Cornerclub, a bar in the “working-class” (I.e. poor) part of town to speak with the proprietor of the bar. They say he knows where Caius is. I head over to the bar and talk with Bacola Closcius. He gives some bulshit obscure directions like “turn left on the hill, climb the stairs, and get on the on-ramp on the freeway.” I didn't bother reading them since I could still remember Caius' house since the last time I played, which was 3 years ago. Fuck, I can't remember my math homework 3 minutes after my teacher tells us but I can remember the exact location of an obscure game character 3 years of not playing. I have some fucked-up priorities.

I work my way through the streets of Balmora using my memory, finally arriving at Caius' house. I open the door and I'm greeted by...

a half-naked old guy. You gotta admit it though, Caius has some pretty ripped abs for an old guy. After talking to him, it appears that Caius is actually an Imperial agent of some sort. So much for professionalism. I give him the package we were given earlier and it turns out it's actually a letter. The letter says that I should become a member of the Blades, kind of like the CIA and Secret Service mixed together. I accept, and Caius advises that I should level up and work on my skillz before taking on any orders, because honestly, if I can't take on some random bandits, what chance do I have on saving the world?

Caius also offers to let me crash on his bed any time I want, which is nice, except for the fact that I have to sleep next to a sweaty, half-naked, old guy. I'll find somewhere else to sleep, thank you. I also find a crack pipe and some Skooma under his bed. Really? The Empire is recruiting shirtless Skooma addicts as agents?

Anyway, I leave Caius' house and decide to take a tour around Balmora before doing any missions. I installed this mod called Balmora Expansion, which adds several metric asstons of improvements and stuff around Balmora. I take a walk around town until I come across the shops.

I did myself a favor and upgraded my equipment. I bought this spear called “Devil Spear” that has this effect called “Bound Spear” of which I have no fucking clue how it works. It also has this other effect called “Lightning Shield” which increases my resistance to electricity and shocks anyone too close to me. Pretty bitchin'. I also sold my extra armor pieces but again, they ripped me off and broke my balls.

After buying my equipment, I took a stroll through Balmora. One of the things the locals didn't tell me was that Balmora was also the Error Sign Capital of Vvanderfell™.

I'm pretty sure this is because I didn't install Balmora Expansion's dependencies, but I'm too much of a lazy motherfucker (MILFs only please.) to read the readme and download them all. One of the first things I noticed about the Balmora Expansion was all the new shops. Apparently, these shops sell unique items and junk you won't find anywhere else.

I must've misread the guide book since most of them just offer Yellow Error Signs™ for sale. Jeez, this is feeling more and more like my last trip to Hong Kong. Except this time I didn't have waitresses bring beer to our table when I said “COKE” in perfectly understandable English.

After the glitchy shops, I headed over to the Entertainment District. My first stop was the zoo. Yes, a zoo.

You might think visiting a virtual zoo would be boring, but virtual zoos don't smell of animal shit. The Balmora Zoo contains a pretty good collection of animals, it even has frigging demons and ogres. Does your local zoo have that? I didn't think so. Real zoos might have big dangerous animals like lions or tigers but the most exciting thing they ever do is shitting in front of everyone. The Balmora Zoo also gives a nice description of each animal, important since you're going to kill them sooner or later. Another reason why virtual zoos are better.

Like a regular tourist, the first thing I do after looking at the animals was to try and kill them. However, the modder who made this was smart enough to make the player unable to hit the animals. What a shame. This might also be the reason why I'm banned from zoos around the world. The last zoo I went to didn't take kindly to me going inside the Tiger exhibit and violently murdering them using my bare hands (I'm that badass) . Unfortunately, the World Wildlife Foundation put out a hit on me, so now I'm hiding for my life, especially since they're using their roster of wrestlers to get me.

After dicking around in the zoo, my next stop was the Museum of Ancient History. The museum was pretty small, with only one room housing all the artifacts. Still, there were a lot of priceless artifacts worth stealing looking at. It even included an ancient version of Iron Man:

What I was most interested in though was the weapons and armor exhibit. It's always enlightening to know more about ancient cultures, especially through stealing their artifacts. While I could've easily stolen ancient Dwarven or Daedric weapons by exploiting the guard AI, I opted not to since that'd just make the game too easy. I especially like the gift shop, especially since it's so realistic. Like real world gift shops, they sell shitty replicas and trinkets at exorbitantly high prices. Hell, you can't even kill stuff with the replica weapons since their damage is so low. On my way out of the museum, I met with Hotrunn Aldi, owner of the museum and the singer for the hit 80's band Wang Chung.

Seriously, what is it with this game's obsession with shirtless guys?

After stealing a few of Hotrunn's personal belongings, I exit the museum. Next, I go to Balmora's House of Heavenly Pleasures. Aaahh, finally. We can kick back, relax, enjoy a massage, maybe sit In the sauna, get a nice treatment for our fur, and...

what the fuck!? What the fuck is that!?

After recovering from the initial shock, I wonder what the hell is going on here? Is this a stripclub? After asking the manager, it looks this is “all-nude female boxing”. He also says that I can place bets. I place 50 gold on Betty, who I'm not quite sure is since I was too busy staring at boobs. I pull a nearby rope to start the match...

and the results are more “akward and violent” rather than”hot”. Shit, I was expecting something more along the lines of those “Lesbians Wrestling” videos I keep seeing on pornsites. Damn. Anyway, it looks like I won the bet and I get 100 gold. Hooray! After fapping furiously getting tired of watching naked women fight (which is something I never thought possible), I head out to find what else Balmora has in store for my genitals.

This time, I enter a placed called “Morgana's House of Earthly Delights” which is obviously a brothel. Still, it's nice to see a brothel that cares for its customers, even the Yellow Error Sign™ fetishists.

Still, I was pretty disappointed that they didn't have Khajiit prostitutes for my character, that'd be pretty hot revolting. Undeterred, I ask one of the dancers.

Wait, what? She became smarter from Khajiit yiffing? After consulting Google, it turns out that “smarting” means “to cause or be the cause or seat of a sharp stinging pain; also : to feel or have such a pain.” Oh. Depressed by the fact he can't get any tail, my character heads back to the naked boxing place in search for some poontang. 

 

They don't. They do have a rockin' titty bar however. Still, seeing tits only won't satisfy my character's carnal fantasies. Depressed, my character slouches on the bar table, choosing to drown his sorrows in Mazte (Morrowind beer).

Several drinks later, this happens:

In a drunken stupor, my character wobbles around the bar, hitting random people, knocking down tables, and breaking bottles. Even though in a drunken and incoherent state, my character still manages to do one thing:

After a slap to the face and an ass-kicking by the bouncers, my drunken ass ends up in the gutter outside. Bruised and beaten, my character finally goes to sleep.

Morrowind Part 5: Brave New World

Part 5:

After my failed massacre, I figure it's time to leave Seyda Neen. There's a whole new world out there, and my character's not gonna be stuck here in this damp little squat. All I have to do is buy some provisions and go on a hike. We'll be going to Balmora to deliver the package I talked about in the first part. Since I died in the last part, I loaded my saved game which is right after I killed the assassin who tried to murder us. I take a rest on the hammock to recover the HP I lost from the fight. Let's do this.

Fuck, not this shit again.

Okay, I lazily used the same picture from the last part but another assassin really did spawn and try to kill me. I'm not sure if that was just random chance or someone really wants me dead. This time, I opened a can of a much-improved version of whoop-ass oh him, which meant I only had to run away once. Luckily, the game was on our side since my spear kept hitting him. Once he was disposed of, I looted his armor. Now I have two sets! Hooray!

After an assassin-free sleep, I was ready to leave Seyda Neen. Along the way, I passed by Fargoth, who found out about our little robbery. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore, but his disposition is still high and he still compliments me. Before leaving, I decided to sell the second set of armor to lose some inventory weight. Unfortunately, Arrille was a rip-off, buying my extra cuirass for 640 gold when it was worth 1000. Jebus, he really broke my balls that time.

I headed North... I mean East... where the hell is the compass in this game? Nevermind. I headed to the left (does that make sense) of Seyda Neen, towards Balmora. As I was walking, I was greeted by screaming. I looked up and saw this:

 

After his untimely and painful demise, I approached his corpse. Looks like he was Tarhiel, a wizard who thought he had developed a spell for leaping great distances. He was right, except he didn't account for gravity. Whatever. What I was more interested in was his clothes. Which I promptly took.

Oh yeah...

Pretty damn pimpin' if I should say so myself. The pimp robe and the dildo hat should help us yiff all the Khajiit chicks 'round here. I am after all, a Poonhunter.

Walking to Balmora was pretty uneventful except for those goddamn mudcrabs and worms. Not threatening, just annoying. The first thing I saw that was worth nothing was this small town called Hla Oad.

It's a small peaceful fishing town. Which meant most of the people there were poor motherfuckers. That severely limited my looting opportunities. What a shame. I also talked to a fence. Yes, a fence. But not that fence you idiot.

I bought a few lockpicks from him and a couple of probes to disarm traps. I also thought about selling some Skooma (the Morrowind equivalent of crack) I recovered from the warehouse but like Arrille, he kept breaking my balls. The people also kept saying that they haven't “seen a Khajiit in such a grand outfit for a long time” which means that my pimp robe is working! Or it could just be because of the fact that Khajiits have a reputation for being dirt poor. I guess it's the former.

After my brief stint in Hla Oad, I continued towards Balmora until I saw this peculiar fellow.

Trying to be a smartass, eh? Well I ain't falling for that. I decide not to give him the gold and he attacks me. I ready my spear and charge at him. And miss. After a single axe swipe that takes away 34 of my 35 hit points, I decide it's not worth it and I haul ass back to Hla Oad. Unfortunately, he catches up and he chops me in the back, resulting in my untimely death.

One load game later, I was back in Hla Oad, this time deciding to stay clear of that ruffian. I head north towards Balmora. That's until I find out that I'm completely lost. I found out that I'm on the other side of a frigging mountain with Balmora on the other side.

We can do it!

Several painful falls and deaths later, I finally manage to get to the other side overlooking Balmora.

Morrowind Part 4: Assassin's Creed

I thought I was going to have a great sleep... until this asshole shows up an hour later afer clicking the "Rest" button.

I thought he was the cleaner I hired to dispose of Foryn's corpse in the background but he then stabbed me. Jesus, there really is no rest for the wicked. I switched into badass mode and opened up a can of whoop-ass on the unsuspecting bastard.

By "open up a can of whoop-ass" I meant "get the fuck out of there". Fortunately, this assassin was considerate enough to wait for me to buy some potions from Arrille before trying to kill me. I came back inside and readied my spear. Fortunately, Algebra was on my side since my chance to hit was high enough to let me land blow after blow on the bastard. Several cans of whoop-ass and Restore Health potions later, I finally manage to kill him. As a reward, we get to steal his armor. Who says that murder doesn't pay?

With the assassin's armor, we look considerably more bad-ass than in the last part. No more mix-matched parts here! Seriously, my character really looks fetching. Yiff!

After conversing with a Legionary, it seems that I'm in deeper doo-doo than I thought. Some people want me dead. Bad shit's gonna go down and were gonna get to the bottom of it. Hopefully not literally. But let's forget the assassins for now, my character needs his beauty sleep.

After waking up, I decide to practice my skills in case I get attacked by those assasins again. I decide to have some target practice...

...on the people of Seyda Neen. Thankfully, they're too much of a dumb shit to climb the lighthouse and whoop my ass, so I'm safe. Fortunately for the townspeople, my agility and marksman skills are so low that I do only like 1 point of damage if I can hit them in the first place. When I pissed everyone off by pelting arrows at them, I decide to take my chances and exit the lighthouse.

Blast these infernal stairs!

It looks like the game is on my side because the townspeople are suffering from a bad case of "AI can't jump" syndrome. I continue pelting arrows at everyone, continuing my massacre one health point at a time. The Imperial Guards aren't much of a threat either, since they somehow run away screaming "That's it, I'm outta here!" even though my arrows barely even scratch their armor. Much to my surprise, there was one NPC who actually managed to get up to my sniping position.

Yes, it's Fargoth. Apparently, Fargoth couldn't put with all the bullshit we did to him and he broke down. Me stealing his 300 drakes was too much for him too handle. He ran at me while screaming "ONE OF US IS GOING TO DIE AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE ME!" and puching me in the face. He's much more badass than we thought, since he went all ChuckNorris™ on my ass until I kept collapsing out of fatigue and I couldn't get up.

Seriously. He was throwing so many punches that I couldn't get a chance to stab him with my spear. Well, karma's a bitch. Eventually, I got tired of his bullshit and I set him on fire with my magic. He didn't put up much of a fight since he died instantly. Unfortunately, so did I when a guard threw a javelin at me. At least Fargoth was partially right when he said that one of us was going to die.

Morrowind Part 3: Grand Theft Fargoth

Part 3:

After that harrowing encounter with bandits, I figure it's time to get some better gear. I head back over to Arrilles and get a bow to use along with the looted arrows from the warehouse. I also bought some armor parts from him.

Yeah, I look like a total jackass because I mix-matched different pieces from different armor sets. Also, those pants. I'm gonna have to fix that pronto. 

 

I went and bought a robe. Yeah, I still look like a jackass because of the different shoulderpads and the clipping gauntlets but I'm really digging this look. Especially the manpurse and belt he's rockin'. However, we better get back to business 'cause I'm really getting hard... dat fur... and rob Fargoth's stash.

Hriskarr didn't know where Fargoth was hiding his gold but he told me to get up on the lighthouse and watch where Fargoth would stash his gold. So I did. 

 

I went inside the lighthouse (it's also Processus' girlfriend's house) and went up to the top. The only notable loot I found was the book The Wraith's Wedding Dowry, a story about a how female Orc Thieve's Guild member's wedding dowry is stolen and how she kicks ass to get it back in time for her wedding with an Imperial. Suffice to say, it's a good story and it takes the term “interracial” to a whole new level. Anyway, I went up to the top and waited for 8 hours.... using the game's wait feature. 

Sure enough, Fargoth was there, looking like a total doofus by sneaking around in front of everyone. Apparently, Fargoth does this every night because the townspeople don't seem to give a shit. Fargoth also didn't mind me interrupting his sneaking, good thing since we're gonna rob his stash. After dicking around for a while, Fargoth finally approached his stash... a hollow treestump in front of three houses. Yeah... I'm sure that no one ever looks into that. 

 

To be fair it's in a swamp, but to be unfair, while Fargoth was stashing his stuff, about 5 people were looking at him. Great hiding place indeed. After Fargoth left his stash, I swooped in and took a peek. Apparently, he was hiding 300 drakes there and his ring. Naturally, I took his hard-earned gold but I left his ring alone. I'm an asshole, but not that much of an asshole. As soon as I stole his money, I head on back to bar. Not to give the money back to Hriskarr though. Screw him and his empire; my character needs the money. Instead, I went there to buy some bread.

This time, there was in-house entertainment in the form of a badly-modeled bard.

HELP I'M STUCK IN 1996!!!

Seriously, look at her. The face is weird, the torso looks like a box and the hips look like a Barbie doll's. Also, it seems that the engineers of Morrowind managed to make a record player in the shape of a lute (is that her instrument?) because it definitely sounds like one. It's even complete with clicks, pops, and hiss!

I'm not saying that the idea of the bard itself is bad though. It's great since it adds a lot of atmosphere to the bars in the game. I salute the modder who made this. Salute and send a link to a modeling tutorial.

After buying the bread and leaving the bar, I decide to talk to Fargoth to see if he's noticed our little robbery. He hasn't. After talking to him, my character then complained of how weary he was and that he needed to sleep. I went to the shack I “repossessed” from Foryn and slept there. It was a bit uncomfortable since it was just a hammock, but I guess that's what you get for killing a poor person. Let's go kill a rich person next time so we can a mansion. And a decent bed.

Morrowind: Livin' Large

Morrowind Part 2: Taxman

Part 2:

Now that I'm done mucking around in the Census office, it's now time to leave. As soon as I do, I get greeted by an elf face that's much too close for comfort. Jeez, have these people ever heard of not standing too close to area transitions?

As soon as I finish the configuration for Necessities of Morrowind, I'm greeted by Fargoth, the elf guy in the background. Seriously, I can't keep track of the elf races in this game.

Looks like poor Fargoth got his ring stolen by the guards. As it turns out, it was the ring that the game asked me to take from the barrel earlier. Being the nice guy I am, I give him his ring back. Because of that, his disposition (how much a character likes you) rises to 95 and we become the bestest of friends, with Fargoth complimenting me every time I pass by. Little does he know that we're going to betray him for more money later. After all, money is the best policy! (at least in RPGs) Fargoth also tells us that he'll tell Arrille, the owner of the tradehouse, about us. That'll give us a discount. It's always good to milk NPCs for everything they're worth in this game. (just like in real life!)

I decide to take advantage of Fargoth's goodwill so I go to Arrille's Tradehouse to buy some equipment. 

 

I have no idea how I have any money when I'm just a prisoner fresh off the ship but I do have money. It's not much but I do manage to buy an Iron Spear and an Imperial Chain Coif. It's not much, but it'll be enough until we can get enough cash to buy some decent stuff.

The carpenters of Morrowind must be pretty damn frustrated that no one's using their chairs.

It turns out that Arrille also has a bar above his shop. Also, why the hell is everybody standing up when there's a lot of perfectly good chairs to sit on? Anyway, I buy a couple of loaves of bread and some wine so my character has something to eat. I also talk to Hriskarr Flat-Foot, an Imperial soldier who tells me that Fargoth is hiding gold from them. He says that if I get the gold back, he'll give me a share. This is the part where we milk Fargoth for all he's worth.

After exiting the tradehouse, I come across this hot little number.

Apparently, we can travel together (tee hee hee) if I can raise her disposition high enough. You can raise her disposition by a tiny amount by giving her something to eat or drink. I gave up trying to raise her disposition since I needed food too. Pshhh. Women are so demanding. That's a nice relationship tip for ya: remember to keep stuffing your girl with food and drink to keep her happy.

I also come across this travelling merchant and her pack animal. Most of her stuff's too expensive but I do find this wig. Yeah, a wig. It also somehow has a higher armor rating than an iron coif. 

 

The townspeople are silent about my new hairstyle, but I know they're laughing. I can feel it. I take the wig off since it looks less awesome than my coif. Enough fooling around. It's time to kill stuff! Killing stuff is good! Killing is great! So is looting the cold, lifeless corpses of people! Yeah!

I decide to practice my killing skills on some mudcrabs in the swamps near Seyda Neen. 

They're not much of a threat, seeing as they go down in 2 spear hits. That's assuming that you can actually hit them, since your chance of hitting something in combat is decided by mysterious algebraic formulas based on your stats. That's why combat in Morrowind pretty much consists of you and the offending party staying in one place thwacking each other until you can actually hit them, especially in the lower levels.

While murdering the mudcrab population, I come across this guy's corpse.

Naturally, the first thing I do is to loot his ass! I find 200 drakes on his body as well as a tax record. It looks like he's Processus Vitellius, the taxman in these parts. I mention the corpse to the bald guy in the first part and he asked whether we found any money on his person.

Of course we “didn't”! Like the greedy bastard I am, I keep the gold for myself. Let the people of Seyda Neen worry about their missing tax money, we're going to spend it on some better equipment. But first, let's find the murderer. I mention the murder to the people in town but they don't know anything. Until I come across Foryn Gilnith. He says that he murdered the taxman because he was corrupt and kept the money to himself. Screw his beliefs, he's gonna have to pay for his crimes! And then we're gonna take his house when he's dead!

I engaged in vicious combat with Foryn, and by vicious combat I meant “hoping that the chance to hit is in my favor and getting the hell out of his house whenever I'm getting my ass kicked.” After getting my ass handed to me many times, I finally succeed in killing him! Hooray! He's a poor mofo, so he doesn't have much on him. I do however recover Processus' marriage ring. Not only that, we take possesion of Foryn's shack! Hooray!

I mention the murder again to the bald guy and we get 500 drakes as a reward. Add to that the 200 we stole from Processus' corpse and we get 700 drakes total! Who says the end doesn' t justify the means? I return the ring to Processus' wife and we get 2 Standard Restore Health Potions as a reward. Thanks!

After this, I roam around town looking for stuff to steal things to do. I come across a locked door to the Census and Excise Warehouse. Since it's a warehouse and the door's locked, there's bound to be some good loot in there. Unfortunately, the door's locked. Fortunately, I have this spell called Tower Key which can open a locked door worth 50 points once a day. However, a guard catches me trying to open the door. Good thing the criminal system is fucked up since I only had to pay 5 gold to loot a lot of items inside the warehouse. Thanks broken justice system!

Inside the warehouse, there's containers. Lots of them. Most contain typical stuff like food, pillows, and other random shit but I do manage to loot an Imperial Chain Cuirass and some other useful stuff. Thankfully the guards inside don't seem to matter that I've just broken in and stolen some of their stuff.

As soon as I leave the warehouse, I'm immediately attacked. I thought that the townspeople were going to exact bloody revenge for the theft of the tax funds but it turns out that it was just two random bandits. Thankfully, the guards take care of them right before I was going to run out of health. I loot their corpses for shields and some enchanted swords. Great.